Tony Klinger

I have decided to own up, the financial mess the world is in, its all my fault. I think it might have been that credit card purchase about three months ago that tipped the world into the credit crunch recession screw up that is totally dominating our news.

I had the feeling I was acting irresponsibly, but I bought that toaster anyhow, I guess I just couldn’t resist it.

Or was it the mortgage I took on my main residence? Perhaps it was how I rammed the arm of the lender up his (let’s not be sexist) or her back to extract their money. I forced them to give it to me, it’s all my fault, I admit it. Why did I force the poor babies to give me their money? The poor defenseless bank, and then I have the temerity to complain that they get bailed out, again with my money, and then give me and you a hard time about borrowing some of our money back to pay them, for our money?!

You see we were all in a world of our own imagination, because I could have sworn I saw them offering us this money, and in fact congratulating themselves on their increased sales, and taking bonuses for lending it to us. It’s those pills we’ve all been taking, it must be. We’ve all got this common hallucination. I’ll slap myself around the face a couple of times and I shall feel a lot better.

Of course we should all congratulate our great leader, I refer to Flash Gordon, savior of the universe for his awesome powers. Without him where would have been? Well we wouldn’t have been in this mess in the first place, that’s where. This is the man who has been trying to drown us in debt for the last few years, and just when we’re drowning throws us a life belt made of some more inflatable debt! Thanks Gordon, our grand kids shall be paying for this treat for many years to come. What a hero, always to the front of the picture opportunity when the awards are being handed out, but nothing to do with him for all the screw ups that caused the catastrophe.

Mind you I have to agree with many of you that share the view that as bloody awful as Gordon is we’re relieved that it wasn’t David Cameron who was leading us in this current crisis as he and his team of geniuses clearly haven’t got a clue as their latest little oligarchical scandal demonstrates.

Yes, thank the Lord for Flash Gordon in this time of tribulation as he did have more of an idea how to address the banking collapse than any other leader in the G7, which clearly demonstrates how inept the rest of them must be.

Directly there was a genuine problem the two potential leaders of the number one power, yes, its still the good old USA, Obama and McCain demonstrated that they are also second division in a crisis. I’ve written elsewhere that Obama, who is going to win that election, is more Jimmy Carter than he is JFK and nothing that happened over the last few weeks has dispelled this view.

Why is no one from government or the Financial Services Authority being pilloried for their total and utter incompetence that caused us to be so ill prepared for this admittedly global crisis?

Do you suppose the pound and the stock markets sinking so low so fast is a good sign of our national economic solidity as Flash Gordon proposes?

So I guess it was down to me, and maybe you, didn’t you go on that holiday which perhaps set you back a couple of hundred pounds more than our poor old bankers could tolerate. How did you force your chap to give you that money you evil b….r?